Re-Crawl

The rest I crave requires taking my eyes off me.

Repentance, in the biblical sense, means to change your way of thinking. In a literal sense, it means to "re-crawl." I suppose that can be a way of relearning too. My mind needs to be renewed, changed, transformed through repentance. To move from worshiping my own idols to awe of God's greatness. My striving has only led to exhaustion.

My desire for control keeps my eyes fixed on me. I want to control my home, my children. I want to control my image and my reputation. Be a good wife and a good mother and a good housekeeper. I can do it. I can keep all the plates spinning and all the ducks in a row. Lunches packed and cushions fluffed and stand at the end of the day with a blissful smile to welcome my husband home, his refuge from the storms of life.

Except I can't. And I must repent. Take my eyes off me and let them be drawn to the source of my strength.